Accepting it

Not fighting the feeling

You did badly on a test, and you feel down. The purple line is fighting the feeling: “I shouldn’t feel upset.” The blue line is letting it be: “Of course I’m upset.” Fighting keeps the same thoughts going round, so the wave rises again, while letting it be lets it settle in its own time. Accepting is not giving up. It means admitting the feeling you have right now, just as it is.

Why?If you think “I shouldn’t feel this,” you pile a second pain on top of the first: “Why do I feel this way?” In research, people who accepted hard feelings without judging them had fewer negative feelings later and better mental health. If sadness lasts more than two weeks or daily life gets hard, don’t carry it alone. Talk to an adult you trust or a helpline.

Go furtherIn 2018, Brett Ford’s team in the US and Canada studied more than 1,300 people through lab tests, diaries and a follow-up six months later. What you accept is the feeling, not a bad situation itself. If you need help, contact a local crisis line or someone you trust right away.